AlzTalk pt. 9 Victoria E. Ben Toviya – Caregiving Spirituality

AlzTalk pt. 9 Victoria E. Ben Toviya - Caregiving Spirituality



hello everybody thank you again for all of your attention today we're going to have a two more speakers today to wrap up our first alz talk before we go into that I just wanted to again personally thank all of you for coming out today and and participating in this kind of a new experiment that we are trying to do in order to get this very valuable information out there to not only our community in our state but also our nation in order to help those people who are still trying to find their way through this particular journey and give them something something to hold on to and some insight and guidance as to where they can go from that so I just want to say thank you very much on that situation you know the human condition is one that is comprised of many different components we have the intellectual side the side that makes us who we are and we think in what and interact in our world we have the personal side those relationships that we have with individuals we have that emotional side that's a component of that as well and we also have a side of us that sometimes we tend to overlook and yet and we don't feed it enough we don't give it enough attention so where we're going to go today at this moment is going to explore perhaps more of that spiritual side of things and I have a very very very good friend of mine coming out to speak with you next Victoria she's going to blow your mind at least I I think she is she's absolutely fabulous one of the nicest people I know in the whole world again her Biograph is in your program guide i encourage you to read through it it's very extensive she's an author she's a speaker and most of all as she is just an amazing person so if I could ask you to give a very very warm and amazing alz talk welcome to Victoria thank you good afternoon I'm so glad to be here and I'm very grateful to have this time to share with you and I have three things that I would like to share with you for your consideration in your daily life but also in this part of your journey this is a very special journey that you're sharing with your loved one so here's some some watchwords three watchwords for you to bear in mind during this whole time one is honoring another is communicating and the third is oneness oneness we're told in the Good Book that was my Tevye from fiddler on the roof imitation we're told in the good book that we are to rise before the agent and we're to give honor to the elderly there's this 2000 year old book that's all these discussions that we have had on these types of verses and in the tome at it says that we've learned that we're supposed to rise and honor that person even if they no longer remember their name isn't it comforting in a little way to know that 2,000 years 2,000 years ago people were already talking about how do we interact how do we communicate with people who no longer even remember their own name it's part of the human condition we'd learned that we do that we recognize that even if they're not able to access and to pull forward and express their thoughts they are still the whole person that they have always been that everything they've learned in their education in the world through formal education but mostly we learned through the experiences of our journey in our life all of that is still there even if they're not able to access it and express it through the body it's all there and we honor that I was able to understand this a little better and understand this experience when I was working with Alzheimer's patients and in working with them they began to show me and teach me what some of the principles are that I was learning from ancient teachings and I would like you to consider then the idea the concept that there are layers of consciousness layers of consciousness our inner being our soul if you would and there are layers of that consciousness some of them in the internal we'll use that word outside of time and space and some layers of that soul that are integrated cellular integrated in our body and there is a layer of consciousness then in our body which is pure animation it gives my body the ability to move it keeps my heart pumping it keeps me breathing it keeps me swallowing all the things that I think of consciously and unconsciously that pure animation level then there's another layer of soul that is a flow a flow between you and me I meet you maybe I remember your face maybe I have face recognition maybe I don't maybe I remember your name most likely I don't unfortunately but that's the flow of soul spirit between us what goes on between you and me and then there's the layer of soul a layer of consciousness which is giving me my flavor it gives me my uniqueness you meet someone oh what a sweet person we call it a additional shoma what a sweet person what a sweet soul or you meet somebody who's a little bit of a grumpy person it's not just our character it's not just our personality it's our flavor that's another layer of soul consciousness my Alzheimer's and dementia patients begin to teach me and then also people who were in transition transitioning out of this lifetime begin to teach me that sometimes it doesn't all go at one time sometimes the layer at a time goes so what does that look like well what that looks like is when that layer that gives me my uniqueness and my flavor has gone outside of time and space and left the body then that person seems like not the same person you have known all the years you've been with them I would often have someone the caregiver the loved one say to me I wish you knew my mom my dad wish you knew my wife wish you knew my husband before this isn't him it is him it's still the whole person it is him he's not expressing all of himself but part is out there part is here it's still her or him and then what happens when that part that flows between myself and you what happens when that transcends what happens when that is longer there what happens is they may not remember who you are they may not remember your relationship they may not remember your name and that can be a very hurtful thing until we remember but wait there's a whole part of them that does it's just they're not able to express it out that part of them has transcended have you ever had the experience where you met someone and you knew you didn't know this person at least in this lifetime you didn't know this person yet and yet somehow you feel a kindred spirit you feel a friendship we call that soul recognition and I've seen this with some of my Alzheimer's patients they don't know your name they don't know who you are but they get this beaming smile on their face when you come into their presence and it's like their head may not know their brain may not tell them but their soul knows you and that's a very very wonderful moment you share together once that is transcended out then you have that pure animation that we were talking about that basic level and that pure animation stays there and allows them to live out their treasured number of days the treasured number of days that they have been given to live out a lifetime this layer remains and during that treasure number of days while they're fulfilling their life you are a very very important part of that journey for them for you enable that to happen so how do we communicate then with them through this journey well I offered you that we simply communicate with the whole person the whole person so that we begin to speak to them not only with the words of our lips but the perceptions of our hearts and we begin to hear from them from our perception of heart which is not necessarily the spoken word we might say oh I you're asking me to read his mind no I'm not asking you to read his mind I'm asking you to read your heart your perception it's as close as your very breath when you do that you do that many many times if you ever had a pet have you ever just like looked it up the dog needs go out well the dog didn't really bring you a leash it didn't run to the door and say you know but something inside of you perceived that the dog needed to go out and that perception the seat of perception is in the heart and so that's what you begin using to communicate so that you're not only speaking to their physical being but you're also talking to that part of them which is outside of time and space somewhere in the other worlds a great way to communicate also and by the way let me just backtrack a moment that's how sometimes you know they're hungry when they say I'm not really hungry and then you give them a banana and they scarf it down like there was no tomorrow and they really eat because something in your perception said they're hungry another way a great way to communicate is through song singing you do not have to know how to sing well you do not have to be able to carry a tune in a basket but just to softly begin singing with them and watch their reaction I have been amazed when I've been with Alzheimer patients who do not know who they are where they are who you are where you are but it doesn't really matter and then I'll start singing a song and all of a sudden they're singing it with me every single word have you seen the picture the notebook who hasn't seen the wonderful movie the notebook if you haven't seen it please do yourself a favor get the notebook and see the movie in that movie she's playing the piano she has no recall of her own children who they are she's playing the piano and suddenly she's remembering it from her soul from her heart from her deeper self not her brain and she's playing and she's not reading the music it's not just reading it and if you notice when we're not reading the music I'd call it playing it by heart I say play it by heart to life play life by heart you look at the heart and she's playing later on she's she's slow dancing with her husband and the music all of a sudden she's very there she's very present just for a few moments and then it's gone why because music takes us somewhere that's why we have so many different radio stations if you ever put one on it oh no I don't want to hear that song you go to something else because it's taking you somewhere and you don't want to go there so you pull up another song music takes you somewhere where does it take you out time outside of time and space so that in that moment that you're singing together guess what your meeting in the in between your meeting with them in the in between and afterwards if that kind of fades a little bit and use and it's like oh my goodness now they're gone again it's okay because you know they are still there the whole person what's here in front of you what's out there and you have had a very very magical moment of experiencing their whole being even when it's not being expressed through the body the whole person is still there and that brings us to the oneness as a caregiver you may have some mixed emotions and some people don't even want to admit it to themselves let alone others you may have some mixed emotions you wonder how long can I do this how long is this going to go on can I do this and at the very same time you hold the thoughts and the feelings you do not want to see it come to the inevitable you have those feelings with my heart and with the gentlest kindest words I can say there will be an end there will be there will be an end there will be a time when all of the layers of that soul disengage on a cellular level from that body and transcend this lifetime and at that time you will continue to communicate with them the way you have already learned to communicate through the perceptions as you go through bereavement and you go through the healing of it you transfer all of that love and all that emotion from the physical to the spirit being you've already been talking to them in your perceptions in your heart and that love is the bridge that crosses and connects you heart to heart with them in the higher worlds and there are ways that they will let you know because you know it doesn't have to convince anybody else you know because you know that's them that's them letting you know I see I feel I know and you're able to communicate with them even more strongly then than you were when they were here right now with the physical here these are treasured precious days beginning to communicate with them now on this way of the whole person will continue to heal you and help you heal in the days to come so that you're able to function in life and yet have that golden gossamer thread of their presence with you in a way that enhances your life rather than diminishes your life and so now that brings us to the oneness the oneness you've already learned how to speak to them soul to soul you've met the challenges and the difficulties of life all of that drops away with the physical and what you have left is the love the caring the respect and the honoring that you have built throughout this journey and that continues on with you for the rest of your life your love is the power plant that will enable you to do this and your love is also the power plant within you it's free all you have to do is tap into it that will continue to hold the oneness the unity of your life and their life and the wholeness of being and so we look at honoring the whole person communicating with the whole person and your spiritual fulfillment then will prevail in your oneness thank you so much

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