Beeing At Home: Wash Your Hams | Full Frontal on TBS

Beeing At Home: Wash Your Hams | Full Frontal on TBS


Hi, I’m Samantha Bee. And I’m here to share daily tips on how to survive and thrive while also social distancing. Today I wanna talk about hygiene. Now, I’m sure you’re all diligent, but it can’t be said enough: the best way to stop the spread of coronavirus is to simply wash your hands. Now, it’s not enough to simply put soap on your hands and scrub them. You’ve got to really get in there. All the contours. Underneath the hand. All around the hand. You’re gonna wanna get in there for at least 20 seconds, or two rounds of “Old McDonald Had a Ham.” [singing] Old McDonald had a ham. E-i-e-i-o. [singing] And on that ham he had a… – Wait. Wait wait wait. – Are you saying ham? Yeah, I’m saying ham. – What? Yeah, like I’m washing my— Gotta wash your hams. – You’re leading with a pun. No, that’s not a pun. – You’re washing a what? A ham. I’m washing my hams. – That’s a pun.
No, it’s not a pun. – Yes it is!
No, it’s a play on like… I hear everybody’s saying wash your hands, but I hear hams, so I’m washing my hams, and I… – That’s a pun!
That’s not a pun! That’s not a pun. – Look it up!
I will look it up, actually. – Alright, well, good luck getting service out here. It was a play on words. – That’s what a pun is! A play on words!
That’s not what a pun is! Okay, what is up…. Hold on….. – Yeah, yeah, stretch higher. That works. Oh my god. – No, you’re gonna have to drive 40 miles to Burger King to jack their wifi! Which brings me to my next point: how to not kill your spouse during these difficult times. This is Beeing at Home! Maybe you’ve never spent this much concentrated time together with your partner. Today we’re gonna share some tips for how to preserve your marriage. Dinner’s ready! – Who are you calling to? I’m right here.
Oh my god. Agree on a proper distribution of domestic work. For example, I like to keep my forest shack neat and tidy. And in return, I expect my partner to come home with the ability to trap squirrels for meat. Oh god. What the hell is this? Babe, I’m hungry! Here’s another one. You’re cooped up. You’re gonna fight. It’s okay to fight. Just maybe do some push-ups before you fight. Tire yourself out. One… Oh, forget it, I don’t wanna fight. Watch Contagion again. Whatever. I don’t care. Here’s another one. Don’t let pillows be the only thing you fluff in the household. Wipe down each other’s high-touched surfaces from time to time. You know what? Mix it up! Make a sex tape. Just make sure you stand a safe distance of six feet apart. – Did you want to cut away to that one now? No!
– Well you just said to make a sex… – I’m literally holding a— Look, I’m not saying I have all the answers. But, you got married for a reason. So try to have some patience with each other. Right babe?
– Sure. And when all else fails, maybe you can come up with a cure for coronavirus together. See you next time on Beeing at Home.

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100 Comments

  1. GET THAT DISGUSTING INFECTED cell phone out my Sam's FACE!!!! And if anyone does it again, I'll summon the ALMIGHTY FLIP FLOP ANONYMOUS president 45 to start ENDLESSLY YAMMERING ON for EVER!!!!!!!
    Thats equivalent to torture, according to the United Nations AND the Geneva Convention, soo dont do dat

  2. There is more truth to that then you may think. Should you be buying only food that you can wash? Who knows how many stock boys, customers have touched it. The cashier has been handling money and other groceries all day.. now they've just handled every item of your food.

  3. First tip: sobriety is highly overrated!

    Plus, if you blackout, you have an alibi and a better chance of maintaining your appearance of innocence during the trial.

  4. No, a pun would be if she started her demonstration with "Here's a handy tip! Wash your hands!" This is more of a Mr. Magoo gag, if Magoo was half deaf instead of half blind.

  5. I trimmed my pork chops, shaved my pig snout, and am currently pre-treating my sausage with a healthy colonic!

    Just doing my part at social distancing! The rest of the piggies are standing waaaay back!

  6. Actually she is has a point the Coronaviruses protein can live up to 28 days on the surface of plastic in low temperatures, my neighbour who is a nurse advised us to wipe all our shopping with disinfectant when unpacking. WASH YOUR HAM and everthing else.
    https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200317-covid-19-how-long-does-the-coronavirus-last-on-surfaces

  7. We’re calling on Admiral Brett Giroir, the Assistant Secretary for Health recently appointed head of the Trump administration’s COVID-19 testing response, to adopt a comprehensive plan to make sure everyone who needs a test gets a test.

    Although the federal government is moving forward, it’s not moving quickly enough to stem this pandemic. We can’t fight a fire if we don’t know where it is. That’s why we’re gathering support from hundreds of thousands of people to call on the new testing chief to make sure that everyone who needs a test gets a test.

    Share and sign the petition: https://uspirg.webaction.org/p/dia/action4/common/public/?action_KEY=37037

  8. I like to invite Samantha bee to roller up her sleeves and come back and help New Yorkers instead of hiding out in the woods making jokes I got the coronavirus. After all it is New York where she makes her millions. She could care less about New York and America and yet you support her. The best things of she could do for us all is to up the coronavirus death toll by one.

  9. Lucky here as I have four balconies lol but yeah I'm feeling thwack of humAn contact bad – remember to say hi from the balconies and text ya mates- watch for the most isolated in your building

  10. Glad you and Jason had the sense to head to the country. I don't understand why so many people are staying in the city. Have they never read a history book?
    if (plague > 0) {

    println("Get Da Fuq Out Da Citay, Mate");
    }
    Should be be coded into our DNA by now

  11. Hey, Sam; your alternate home (?) is very close to my reality! It's good to see you (a star) trying to split wood and clean the shed (although it's empty), when my wife and I do this nearly every day! We bicker and still love each other while we split wood, etc. Thanks for the alternate reality that, for some of us, is more reality than normal (your stage with audience) (which we love, also.)

  12. I am loving this bit. And I was kind of hoping we’d see Jason. But then I also liked that we didn’t see him. Haha

  13. It's really not a pun. A pun must be a play on a word. A substitution of a similar sounding word is cute, but not a pun. The one that comes to mind is clapping when someone asks for a hand.

  14. That's the first thing I thought about when they want people to shelter at home 😂… All I could think about are all these people who have never spend that much time together… Ever. Especially if you don't have a yard or run away in the woods like Queen Bee here. 🤦😂

  15. Good job Jason. Show her who's in charge. How do you spell phluff. I don't trust ubandictionary.com. We're not talking marshmallows, right?

  16. Hey, its not bad advice! I would suggest washing your plastic or metal packaged foods after getting home from the store!

  17. How do you clean your soul Samantha?
    Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with socialist Democrats is the same as standing shoulder-to-shoulder with neo-nazis.

  18. Seems like a pun, sure
    Don’t be jacking wifi, heres my 5G password for just about anywhere, secret answer for my pals…semi colon who is Alex Trebeks Wife PERIOD

    #DontLetShtGoArayArey

    Hey you got the chainsaw! pronounced steel or sss tteh i hill…i know one thing it chops the wood good, on account of me usin’ one back in the nineteen hundreds to cut some wood at my granpas place…okay then…talk to ya guys later

    Probably you are both right, thats most likely

  19. tRump will forever be known as the WH occupant who was so full of S#IT that this country ran out of toilet paper. 🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻

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