Hi, I’m Samantha Bee. And I’m here to share daily tips on how to survive and thrive while also social distancing. Today I wanna talk about hygiene. Now, I’m sure you’re all diligent, but it can’t be said enough: the best way to stop the spread of coronavirus is to simply wash your hands. Now, it’s not enough to simply put soap on your hands and scrub them. You’ve got to really get in there. All the contours. Underneath the hand. All around the hand. You’re gonna wanna get in there for at least 20 seconds, or two rounds of “Old McDonald Had a Ham.” [singing] Old McDonald had a ham. E-i-e-i-o. [singing] And on that ham he had a… – Wait. Wait wait wait. – Are you saying ham? Yeah, I’m saying ham. – What? Yeah, like I’m washing my— Gotta wash your hams. – You’re leading with a pun. No, that’s not a pun. – You’re washing a what? A ham. I’m washing my hams. – That’s a pun.
No, it’s not a pun. – Yes it is!
No, it’s a play on like… I hear everybody’s saying wash your hands, but I hear hams, so I’m washing my hams, and I… – That’s a pun!
That’s not a pun! That’s not a pun. – Look it up!
I will look it up, actually. – Alright, well, good luck getting service out here. It was a play on words. – That’s what a pun is! A play on words!
That’s not what a pun is! Okay, what is up…. Hold on….. – Yeah, yeah, stretch higher. That works. Oh my god. – No, you’re gonna have to drive 40 miles to Burger King to jack their wifi! Which brings me to my next point: how to not kill your spouse during these difficult times. This is Beeing at Home! Maybe you’ve never spent this much concentrated time together with your partner. Today we’re gonna share some tips for how to preserve your marriage. Dinner’s ready! – Who are you calling to? I’m right here.
Oh my god. Agree on a proper distribution of domestic work. For example, I like to keep my forest shack neat and tidy. And in return, I expect my partner to come home with the ability to trap squirrels for meat. Oh god. What the hell is this? Babe, I’m hungry! Here’s another one. You’re cooped up. You’re gonna fight. It’s okay to fight. Just maybe do some push-ups before you fight. Tire yourself out. One… Oh, forget it, I don’t wanna fight. Watch Contagion again. Whatever. I don’t care. Here’s another one. Don’t let pillows be the only thing you fluff in the household. Wipe down each other’s high-touched surfaces from time to time. You know what? Mix it up! Make a sex tape. Just make sure you stand a safe distance of six feet apart. – Did you want to cut away to that one now? No!
– Well you just said to make a sex… – I’m literally holding a— Look, I’m not saying I have all the answers. But, you got married for a reason. So try to have some patience with each other. Right babe?
– Sure. And when all else fails, maybe you can come up with a cure for coronavirus together. See you next time on Beeing at Home.